.:Write from the ♥:.

So it's been a while since I have just written what I am feeling.
I love to write
and I find that it brings such clarity
to my mind and my heart.
I love being able to express my feelings without fear of judgement or criticism.
I love knowing that my thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes, doubts, goals, dreams etc. are mine and are valid.

So lately I have been doing a lot of soul searchingwhen it comes to dating and relationships.
I have come to the realization
that I still have some deep rooted issues
regarding marriage.
I am scared of marriage and scared of falling in love again. And I am even more scared of the possibility that they will fail. Again.

I feel like my ♥ is still so guarded from the last time that I fell in love with someone.

It's so scary giving someone your heart and trusting them not to break it.

I did that once, sadly it was shattered into a million tiny pieces.

I am finally starting to feel like the pieces are being put back into place, but I have to be very gentle with it and give it time to continue to heal.

I know that before I can go into another relationship, I have to be best friends with that person. I have to trust that person. I have to know that that person understands me and the experiences that have made me who I am.

Life is too short to not feel safe with the one that you love.

9/11 I remember

I remember not being able to pull myself away from my TV that day.

I was in the 9th grade.

I remember walking to Seminary and hearing my Seminary teacher tell us about the Twin Towers being hit by a plane... I had no idea what they were, but as soon as I saw the wreckage, I was heart broken for all of those men and women and their families.

So today I remember and am grateful for the freedoms that we have, and the men and women who keep it that way.



To you, Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

.: Life changing experiences:.

It's crazy what almost dying does to a person.
I can't even believe that it was a

month ago today

that I got admitted to the Utah Valley Hospital in Orem.

and I can't believe how
that experience
literally change my life

FOREVER!

Here are just a few things that I learned that have really impacted my life, my attitude and most importantly my testimony and my faith in my Savior, Jesus Christ. And my everlasting love for my Father in Heaven.


... ... ... ... ... ... ...


1. God is the Captain in our lives.

He literally knows each one of us personally because he personally created us. He knows how to get us to our destiny safely and he knows exactly which storms of hardship we have to face in order to grow, while learning to rely wholely on Him.

One of my favorite quotes right now is this:

" A ship is safest in the harbor, but that's not what ships were made for."

2. Trials will come.

The day before I went to the hospital I was literally yelling at God for not being there for me through this month of Hell. I felt like He had abandoned me in my time of need. Well I found out through some seriously humbling experiences that God was there all along and that He really did know best. I was the one that abandoned Him. I also learned that Trials will come.

God doesn't send us trials so that we can prove to Him whose side we are on. He already knows whose side we will choose. He sends us trials so that we can prove to ourselves and decide for ourselves whose side we are on.

3. Trust in the Lord

I learned that it is so much better to trust in the Lords plan for me rather than try to do things my own way. I am so grateful for the oppurtunities that I have had to be able to exercise my faith in Him. I love knowing that God has a plan for me, and that it truely is for me to be eternally happy.

I think that Pres. Monson put it best in the title of an article he wrote for the Sept. 1997 Ensign. "Tears, Trials, Trust, Testimony."

.:American Idols Live 2009:.

Was
AWESOME!!!♥

.: The wonderful world of.... Hospitals??:.

So ladies and gents. What did you do for the 4th of July?

I wish I could say that I went swimming, camping, fishing even.. but nope! I got to spend my favorite holiday in my not so favorite place... The hospital.

I have been one truly sick puppy for the past 2 weeks. I am writing this from my hospital room. I have been here for 5 days now! My, how the time flies when you are "having fun" LOL.. Here's the whole super fun story.


Saturday June 27:
Started out with a lil bit of a sour throat, nothing too major.... Watched my nieces all day and by the time their dad came to get them I had no energy and I had a mild fever....

Sunday June28: This illness hit me like a Mack truck. I started having trouble breathing and I had absolutely no energy to even get out of bed. Finally around 9:00pm My mom forced my sister to come rescue me and take me to the ER cause my mom could tell that I couldn't breath. Well we got to the ER and waited forever.. I mean FOREVER on crack, forever. Got into the little room, sat there for a while and then the Dr. came in. Asked me what my most prominent symptoms were, and said, "Do you want the good news, or the bad news first." I said " I really could care less right now." Dr."Well good news is you're not dying.... bad news is you're sick, go home take some Nyquil." The idiot was in there for literally 2 min. Prescribed me so Lortab of all things and sent me home. Didn't even listen to my lungs, didn't touch me, anything!! MORON! So I went home did what he said....

Monday- Thursday..... Got sicker, sicker, sicker.... My sister had to take me to the Insta-care in Orem. They actually got me in fairly quickly. Listened to my lungs, took a chest x-ray and gave me an antibiodic and some cough medicine with Codine in it to help me sleep.
( just a side note, I found out that I do not do too well with Codine. You're not supposed to be puking your guts out for days apperently) LOL

Friday: Still SICK SICK SICK Literally on my Death Bed, sick. I called my mom at like 8 or 9 and she could just tell that I was really miserable. So she got in her car at about 11 PM and drove for 3 hours all the way from Idaho Falls. She got there at about 3. I slept for about an hour before I woke up so miserable. She rushed me to the ER again and they got me right in, hooked me up onto and IV and started pumping me with all sorts of good drugs.( what's the street name for some of these, for reals LOL JK!!!) I HAVE PNEUMONIA! They took another chest x-ray and surprise surprise, the Pneumonia had spread since the last x-ray on thursday.

So I got to be admitted to the hospital for the wonderful 4th of July celebrations. It was super duper fun. I started feeling so much better Sat. & Sun. But then by Mon. I was on death's door again. I was puking all day and just so so weak. Couldn't hardly move or anything. They took another x-ray and it has yet again gotten worse. The Pneumonia had spread all over my lungs by now. Finally by about midnight monday i started feeling better. My mom gave me a lil foot bath/massage and she massaged my back and i started to relax.

Tuesday: I started feeling a million times better.

Wednesday. I am almost home free! I felt so good. I got my hair done, my mom gave me a mani/pedi. It's been such a wonderful blessing to have her here. I would be dead right now if she hadn't come saved me literally. I am so greatful for her and for her willingness to sacrifice her sleep and time to come be with me. I am the luckiest girl in the world!

Thursday ( Today) Woke up after the best nights sleep I have had since I got here. They took me for another chest x-ray. They say that the gunk is moving out nicely. And now I am down to 2 units on my O2(oxygen) I had been up to 5 units all week. Except for when they first brought me in I was at a whopping 10 units!!! That's crazy. So needless to say. I have had quite the adventure, and as soon as I get out of here I am gonna go party it up, Finally get to have the summer that I have been missing out on!

Love you all so much for your prayers and concern!

Life is good! God is even better!